Aug 13, 2015


I don't know if I have ever felt so empty.  (I am not being figurative, I am not depressed) I am literately running on empty and have been for a few weeks now.  Since the beginning of July I have had a pain on my front right side.  At first I figured I had popped a rib out, my ribs have a tenancy towards not wanting to stay where God put them . After a week or so the pain seemed worse and eating became painful.  I went to my Doctor (whom I love) and she thought that I may have gallstones and suggested an ultra sound. I got the first available appointment but it wasn't till the 3rd of August.

My body revolted July 31st and I ended up in the ER my stomach was not happy.  The stabbing pain had gotten much worse and I decided it would be best to get it checked out.  Hubby and I waited in the ER for 4 hours before being seen for an ultra sound and then eventually a doctor. He said my tests showed nothing and I could get discharged.  I was in shock. I was in pain I had not eaten for a few days, and they just wanted me to go home.  I threw a minor fit (I am not one to be pushy, but my hubby's ability to not put up with sh*# has rubbed off on me in the past few years) I asked the doctor what I was supposed to do about this pain and he said, "well it might be ulcers so you will need to get an endoscopy." I pointed out that I was in the hospital and that they could just do that. He informed me that the doctors who do that test don't work on the weekends. So I asked again what I was supposed to do until I could see the specialist. The discharge nurse, said he would get the doctor to write me a prescription for pain.  I said, "I am not asking for drugs, I am asking for a diagnosis and a plan." To which he replied, "well, this is an emergency room, so we don't have the ability to help you if it is not an emergency" WHAT?

I went home, in pain and annoyed that I had wasted 4 hours of my life.  I went to get my prescription for the pain medication then next morning since they were closed after we got done in the ER. And when I got to the counter to pay for my drugs I was told that my insurance was not valid any longer. WHAT? We had just been issued MediCal in May and now Aug 1 I am told it doesn't work?

I spent the next Monday on the phone with MediCal and Doctors trying to figure out a solution.  All I found out was that my Doctor was kind and saw me for free, but still had no clue what was going on without me getting further tests. Meanwhile MediCal was cancelled with no warning because they determined we make too much money, even though we have taken a huge pay cut in the last few months. Meaning that we would have to sign up for Covered CA (Obama Care) by Aug 15 but that it would not take affect until Sept 1. WHAT?

It is now 8/13/15 and I still am no closer to an answer, am ready to sign up for a Health Insurance plan with Covered CA, and still cannot eat without major pain. Meaning that I can at most eat a bit of rice or homemade chicken soup without hurting too bad.  And while I want to loose weight this is not the way to do it.(I am now 10lbs lighter than June.) Like I said, I am empty.  I have next to no energy to do life.  If I have a good day, I tend to over do it with walking or playing with my daughter and then end up in pain once again.

I hate that I could have something majorly wrong with me that might just be getting worse while I sit here unable to get answers because of the healthcare system.  It makes no sense to me that our state would determine that we make too much money to get MediCal for my hubby and I but not for our kid.  What good will it do for her to have healthcare if her mom or dad are unable to care for her well, because they are not well enough to do so.  It is a broken system.  I am not here to bash MediCal or Obama Care I am just stating that I in this moment am empty. 

I am hungry, tired, stressed, and annoyed that what I have might be nothing big and have been cured already or might be terrible and be getting worse the longer we are forced to wait.  It's times like this that I am ready to give up and move back to Italy or to Bolivia where I would get the help I need, when I need it.

Jun 18, 2015

Where did I go?

I haven't written for sometime.  For awhile I had so many things to write about I couldn't keep it all on one blog, but somewhere along the way I just stopped writing.  I've plopped down to write a few times and nothing would come.  Even now the struggle is real.  I have this deep longing to put words on paper but my heart and my mind seem to be jumbling my thoughts. 

So very much has changed since my last visit to this blog... Freddy is now my husband and we are happily married and living in California and have a beautiful spunky baby girl who is almost 1.  Yes, quite a few changes in 3 years.

The road to here was filled with highs and lows but it is impossible to fill you in on all you have missed.

I do miss writing, I miss sharing life with those who read, and I miss reading their stories as well.  In someways it seems that I have lost some of myself these last 3 years, and yet I know that I have also grown and changed in huge ways too.  So, I guess I am just wandering back into the blogging world to see if I can work out who I am now in comparison to who I was when I started blogging.

quotes i love

  • "they will never care how much you know until they know how much you care."
  • "never be afraid to trust a well known God with an unknown future." - Corrie Ten Boom
  • "God doesn't need you, He loves you, that is much better."
  • "the world has yet to see what God can do through a man/woman who is totally commited to him." - D.L. Moody
  • "be who you is, cause if is ain't who you is, you is who you ain't."-
  • "some people say movies should be more like real life. I say real life should be more like the movies."